So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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