She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
