oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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