no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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