do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
