i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize