I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
