i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
