What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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