Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
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