I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
