The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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