i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
