Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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