Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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