They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
