I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
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