my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
