in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
