Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
