You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
