you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
