and you said cock pushups were impossible
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
