I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
