i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
