Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
