All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
