Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
