then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
