People in love make me want to vomit
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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