She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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