she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
