Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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