when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
