i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
