Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
