He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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