there's paper in my vomit.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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