I'm lost and stupid without you.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
