Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i barfeds in our rink
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
