hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
