Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
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