i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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