I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
