I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize