God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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