dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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