I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
