casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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