but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
