Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
