I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
