Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
