I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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