Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize