we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
