she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Randomize
