Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
