party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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