end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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