His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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