now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
