Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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