Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
