dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
