I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
