Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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